Grigoria

The ultimate fitness and food guide

MY STORY

I have a long history of a love/hate relationship with food and my body. I have struggled through binge eating, starving myself, food obsession (counting every single calorie and eating as little as 700 calories a day), over exercise and body dysmorphia.

The truth is that when I was young I was often teased for being “fat”. And I really hated that word. It felt like the worst insult I could ever hear. And growing up I just got used to being the “fat” one, the one who was never noticed, never taken seriously. When I was around 16/17, I came across some weight loss tablets and started taking them (religiously). I didn’t really change my eating habits (although the tablets did suppress hunger for a while) and was maybe going to the gym 1-2 times a week for no more than 30 minutes. I was on the tablets for probably 5-6 years! I lost a considerable amount of weight at first. I remember being in Year 12 and it was the first time I was really being noticed because people were seeing my body change. It felt good at first. But like most weight loss tablets, they are a quick fix and are not sustainable, so for the next 6 years my body yo-yod, each time fluctuating around 10 kilograms up or down. I was not healthy. The tablets actually caused me to have a lot of intestinal issues, issues that have now become chronic, due to my extended use of the tablets. I was severely constipated, always thirsty, this caused really bad breath, terrible skin reactions, and a very unhealthy relationship with food. During this period, there was no “healthy eating”, I wasn’t over eating, but I was making mostly unhealthy choices. A typical day would include, a toasted cheese and tomato croissant from Uni for breakfast, a hot chocolate as a snack, a salami and olive focaccia for lunch and usually a few chocolate bars for dinner. Not sustainable, little nutrients, and not at all good for my own well-being.

ME GROWING UP

I was no longer seen as “fat”, because I had a relatively slim body at this stage of my life (around the age of 21). My body would still fluctuate, but not as drastically. Then as life usually goes, when you start hanging with certain people, you take on their habits. And I was no exception. Growing up I never really ate much McDonalds or other take outs, but now all of a sudden I was consuming it on the regular. I recall driving to work (my part time job at the time) and before even getting to work (I worked the evening shift), I would stop at McDonalds for a large chocolate or caramel sundae, and large fries, and I would also have a few chocolate bars. Then dinner, and usually on the way home I would stop for a cheeseburger. Looking back I see a girl in so much pain, unsure how to love herself, absolutely disconnected with her body, having no mind body connection and having no guidance from the people around her.

A few years later, a good friend of mine encouraged me to start getting into fitness. I started going to the gym more regularly, and for a while I noticed some really great improvements. For a while… I still had no mind body connection and I still made bad food choices, although at this stage, I had started to add a few healthier choices to my menu.

Fast forward a few years more, and my sister had started getting into fitness, and finally I had someone to keep me accountable. So I started going 4 times a week, every single week. My sister, on her own journey, lost over 25 kilograms, and that was inspiration enough for me. Together we started making really great food choices, eating really healthy and we had increased our gym attendance to 5 days per week. This is where I started to have a relationship with food. This turned into an obsession. Which was the beginning of my love/hate relationship with my body and with food. I wasn’t counting calories at this point, but I was obsessed. If even a grain of rice was on my plate, I wouldn’t eat it. Absolutely no carbs. Our meals were, protein shakes, salad and chicken or tuna for lunch and the same for dinner. We would allow ourselves 1 cheat meal per week. And it could only be something small. This is where my history of restriction came. Of course after a while, I got tired of the restrictiveness and wanted a more substantial “cheat meal” and so I started making it a cheat day, and absolutely bingeing on all the treats I desired, because in my mind I knew I would deprive myself of them until the next week. Here’s a run down of a typical cheat day. I would usually have a normal breakfast of toast or cereal. Followed by a lunch that was usually two toasties with cheese and salami. Then I would end the evening off with a souvlaki, a whole tub of vanilla and cookies and cream ice-cream, smothered with nutella, pods, cookies, and chocolate cake. And usually add a block of cookies and cream chocolate, a king size kit kat and a king size twix. Do you see the problem here? And I did this consistently for maybe 2 years.

MY SISTER EIRINI'S TRANSFORMATION

I then started becoming obsessed with food. I would spend most of my time watching food videos, planning my cheat days, and everything revolved around food. I stopped spending time with friends because the other six days I was eating very very “clean” and I could in no way go out for a meal, and the cheat day was something I had planned the whole week, so I couldn’t “waste” it on a meal that wasn’t on my list for the week. After a while I saw that my patterns were becoming dangerous for my well-being. I realised it when, I would stay up until 3am looking at “food porn” and realised that my relationship with food was really unhealthy. And so I decided to adopt my sister’s approach which was just to eat mostly healthy (80%) of the time and sometimes include treats (20%) of the time. This worked for a little while, until I realised that I had no self-control around my “small treats” and they became big treats.

Generally though, I was looking good and feeling better. My well-being was improving. It was around this time that my sister and I started eliminating certain foods from our diets. We stopped eating most dairy (feta cheese and Greek Yoghurt were the exception), and the only meat we consumed was tuna, chicken and salmon. I’d consume red meat only on special occasions. I never really liked eggs, so hardly ever consumed them. This was good for a while. Still mostly eating healthy and enjoying small treats when desired.

After more and more elimination, and a few documentaries, we realised that we really wanted to adopt a vegan way of life. How were we almost there, but not quite, just for a few meals. So we made the decision to go vegan July 1 2016. We noticed the changes very very quickly. But of course our way of eating had to change. We were used to eating protein and salad for most meals, but on a vegan diet, that wasn’t sustainable, so we started incorporating more carbohydrates to provide us with the energy we needed. I should mention that at this point, we were training 6-7 days a week, no exceptions. So, although my body was starting to feel amazing, and I had so much more energy, my bowels were working better than they had ever worked before, I did notice that I was gaining a little bit of weight. But it was ok, because I was in a really good place and happy with my lifestyle.

But, as my history with food and my body suggests from this story, this feeling didn’t last long. I wanted to lose some weight again. And so I incorporated a healthier menu along with the same fitness regime.

Fast forward a few months and I had booked my ticket to Europe. I was so excited for my trip. I had been wanting this for so long. But I had a goal that I wanted to “pre-lose” weight so that on my trip I could indulge in all the yummy food. And so I decided to start counting my calories. I want to acknowledge this moment right now - this was the beginning to the worst time of my life, in relation to my relationship with food and my body. I started off with 1800 calories a day. Sustainable, slow progress, good food, lots of energy, but I wasn’t seeing the results I desired. And so I lowered my calories to 1600 per day. A little better. Sticking to my calories religiously. If I wanted a treat that was 1000 calories, then I would only eat an additional 600 calories for the day. Slowly I transitioned to 1400 calorie days. I told no one this. I kept it all to myself. My family saw the way I calculated every single gram of food, but I assured them that it was temporary and only for my upcoming vacation. At this point I was also eliminating EVERYTHING. I believed that everything was making me feel “sick” and I ended up eating mostly lettuce, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes and oats. I was seeing progress but I wanted more of it. And so I transitioned to 1200 calorie days. I never lowered them on the app after this, but every day I would try and be under for the day. At first 100 calories under was the goal, then 200 under, then it became 400-500 under. Some days I was eating no more than 700 calories. I was still working out 6-7 days a week. I had lost a considerable amount of weight. Everyone around me was worried. I NEVER went out with friends. If I did, it would be for a tea only. I became obsessed with food again, because I was depriving myself so much. There was no bingeing, no cheat meals, maybe once every few weeks I would “not calculate my calories”, but then the next day starve myself again. I was really unhappy. I was hurting. I was crying inside. And no amount of weight loss seemed to be enough. A month before I was due to leave for Europe, I came to realise what I was doing to myself, everyone around me was telling to stop losing weight, I would go to bed so so hungry and wake up ready to pass out again from the hunger. It’s the only period in my life that I would sleep early just so I could wake up faster and eat. I knew I was on the path to anorexia. This is when my body dysmorphia came to life. I knew I was losing weight, I knew I was thin, people were telling me how thin I was, and yet when I looked in the mirror all I could see was someone who had fat to lose. I didn’t know how I was going to break out of this cycle. I didn’t know how I was going to make it through. But I assured myself that I would “go back to normal” in Europe. But when I look back at my history, I didn’t even know what normal was. And so, the day before I left, I weighed in at 53kg. The lowest weight I’ve ever been in my adult life. I should put itinto perspective, I’m 167cm (5’8”) tall. I have long legs and most of my weight holds on my bum and thighs. My upper body generally looks thin (regardless of my weight).

JUST BEFORE EUROPE AND DURING EUROPE BODY

On the plane, I didn’t eat any plane food, I prepared my food, still on 1000 calories. I don’t know why I was still doing it, but I convinced myself that it was the last time. So I get to my first stop - Dubai. So excited to be there, so excited to eat. And I found myself afraid of food. I bought a bunch of healthy options, stocked up the fridge, convinced myself that I would eat breakfast and lunch at home and dinner out. My only “indulgence” was popcorn at this stage. I came to realise that I had a big problem and I had to overcome it quickly! I started eating more, enjoying more. I was trying to breakthrough, but found myself feeling guilty for eating, and felt I had to compensate. I was at the gym everyday still.

My next stop was Italy. Italy was hard for me. Like really hard. Hardly any vegan options, unless you liked pizza and pasta, and I wasn’t ready for carbs like that. So I didn’t eat much in Italy. I had one night of pizza and one night of pasta and 2 gelatos. The rest was relatively clean. I recall one time there were no options for me except for a focaccia and I struggled accepting it, I felt so guilty for eating bread. In Italy, I didn’t have access to a gym most days, so I had to work out from wherever I was, and this made me feel even worse because I felt like I was eating too much and not exercising enough. When I look back on how my body looked in Italy, I feel like crying. We were doing so much walking everyday (sometimes hiking also) that it was making up for all the gym sessions I was missing. I was hungry a lot in Italy.

Then there was Greece. Thank God for Greece. I don’t know if it’s because my roots are in Greece, but all the Greek Gods looked after me in Greece. It was like a breath of fresh air. Greece has so many vegan options. I could eat so much. I had access to a gym everyday, so I was happy with that. And so I indulged. I bought all the food. I ate out. I was so happy, I finally felt free. But imagine being deprived of food for so long and then suddenly being in a candy store. I didn’t know how to stop myself. It was like I had never seen food before in my life. And so my bingeing pattern started. I would eat so much food, making me feel so sick. I wanted to try EVERYTHING. And not just that, but I wanted so much of everything. So I ate and ate and ate.

When I got home, I was so happy to be back. I felt like I could finally get back on track. That day, we celebrated with my family, and ate pizza and dessert. I felt so happy to be back to a place where I felt safe.

I no longer wanted to live with restrictions. And so, for the next few weeks, I ate anything and everything. Nothing was off limits. I enjoyed it all. I wasn’t counting calories at all and just flowed with life. I was in a good place again. But I started to notice the weight slowly creep up on me (I didn’t notice it so much in Europe because I was walking so much). And that place of fear was creeping up with it. A place I didn’t want to get to. And this is where I knew I had to start the real work on my mindset.

Right now, I’m eating a really well-balanced diet. I don’t binge, I treat myself whenever I desire, and because I don’t restrict myself, I don’t overeat. I love my body, despite it being 10 kgs heavier than before I went to Europe. I am still at the gym 6 days a week. But going much easier on my body and not feeling so much pressure to always “lift heavy”. I have started to really fall in love with my body. And I have a solid mind body connection. And with a clear mindset that I work on daily, I am able to apply intuitive eating and it is working for me.

It’s been a long journey. Trials and tribulations. But I am finally in a good place. I have a good relationship with food. I don’t obsess over it, I enjoy it, I see it as feeling me, I see it as my friend. And my body, I love it, I love how it looks, I love how it carries me, I love that it’s my vessel and I honour it accordingly. I treat it right. I move it around, keep it nourished and healthy but don’t abuse it.

I’m in a good place. And I want to share with you how I made that mind body connection, and more specifically how to listen and tune into your body so thatyou know what it’s saying to you.

NOW!!

WHAT GUIDES ARE AVAILABLE?

This is an exclusive collaboration with Eirini Kritsotelis from Shredded Fitness Academy;
a 4 week exercise guide and/or a 4 week plant-based eating plan (ALL recipes included).

FOOD IS OUR FIRST AND BEST MEDICINE.

- DR AVIVA ROMM

You will receive your guide instantly through email with a download link.

CREATE HEALTHY HABITS, NOT RESTRICTIONS

-TALINE GABRIELIAN

EAT LESS FROM A BOX AND MORE FROM THE EARTH

-ELLIE BULLEN

ENERGY TESTIMONIALS

MORE QUESTIONS?

Feel free to contact me at grigoriakritsotelis@gmail.com and I will happily answer all your questions.

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